Miss you, my lover
by ohdarlings
Summary: "It was then that Alicia Florrick cried about her situation for the first time. " REPOST


_I thought it would be nice to repost it too. I wrote this story a long time ago. This is an AU story, I just have a thing for AU stories I don't know why. Umm I really don't know what to say lol Enjoy! :) Oh and a review would be nice! :)_

_Of course I don't own The Good Wife or the song._

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**Miss you, my lover.**

_I find the map and draw a straight line  
Over rivers, farms, and state lines  
The distance from 'A' to where you'd be  
It's only finger-lengths that I see  
I touch the place where I'd find your face  
My fingers in creases of distant dark places_

_I hang my coat up in the first bar_  
_There is no peace that I've found so far_  
_The laughter penetrates my silence_  
_As drunken men find flaws in science_

_Their words mostly noises_

_Ghosts with just voices_

_Your words in my memory_

_Are like music to me…_

Her shirt dried as the blood seeped in. Her hands trembled; the streaks of red blood a vibrant contrast against her light skin. She stood in shock, staring at herself in the full-length mirror in their bathroom. No. Her bathroom now.

"Come on" Kalinda whispered, collecting her friend into her arms. "Let's get you cleaned up."

She was still in shock. Had no true control of her body functions. She had no clue what to do. She watched as her friend stripped the bloodstained clothes from her body. A shiver ran up her spine as she stood in her underwear, watching as Kalinda wrapped her clothes up into a plastic bag. She was pulled into the shower and sat down onto a stool. Seconds later, her eyes fell shut while the warm water cascaded down her back. Kalinda's hands worked shampoo into her hair, cleaning the blood off of her. She opened her eyes and watched the blood disappear into the drain.

It was then that Alicia Florrick cried about her situation for the first time.

The next three days passed in a blur, and before she knew it, her uniform was laid out for her on the bed. Her shoes had already been polished, her uniform pressed. A knock rapped on the door before it opened slightly.

Kalinda stepped in, dressed in full black. "Get dressed, Alicia. We have got to go."

She nodded and dressed in her uniform, hands trembling as she buttoned up her blues. As she tied her shoes, the door opened again. Cary and Owen stood tall, dressed as she was; solemn looks on their faces.

"Come on Alicia. Time to go."

The car ride felt like hours. She stared out the passenger window, biting her trembling bottom lip to keep from crying. Her breath hitched as she heard the familiar sound of crying coming from the seat behind her. The tension in the car was overwhelming. As they pulled up to the cemetery, Owen turned to look at her.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

Alicia nodded and turned out, the light blinding her as she stepped out of the car.

The funeral began as every typical funeral did. Alicia watched the people as she passed them, trying to keep her emotions under control.

The collection of people that had come to see him go was as diverse at it could get. Cary, Peter, Zach and Grace, Sara and Aubrey, his parents, her mother, Tammy, judges, all the workers at the firm, his baskettball friends.

It amazed her how many people were there, thought she knew it was everyone that he had loved.

When the walk in stopped and the casket was sat down, Alicia took a seat next to his family. One of his sister dropped her head onto his shoulder and drew a hand up, linking their fingers.

His mother spoke first. Her speech, though sad, had everyone laughing through his or her tears. His will has requested that they be happy and tell stories, which she and his close family had trouble doing. When his mother was done, Diane then his sisters spoke. The tears were now flowing freely, though Alicia kept herself from crying. She felt her heart squeeze when the pastor said her name. She was next up to speak.

"I had this entire speech planned out, but I kind of destroyed my paper" she started. A small laugh let out as she held up what were the remains of her speech.

" As you all know, I met Will Gardner at the college, he was charming, smart and funny. All girls were in love with him. He was my best friend then, we had a lot of fun together, but then our ways seperated. But after 15 years we found each other again. First everything was awkward and we had bad timing as he always said. But as time went on, and my divorce finished, we grew closer. I am proud to say that he taught me more about my life, and how to live. He was a wonderful step-father to Zach and Grace, brother to Sara and Aubrey, and husband to me. Will sacrificed his life for his family and his job , and will forever be one of the greatest men that I have ever had the privilege of knowing and loving. Thanks for coming."

She stepped down off the podium and into the open and awaiting arms of her brother. She collapsed into her chair and pressed her palms to her eyes, sucking in a deep breath to keep form crying. After a few more speeches, he was lowered into the round. Once it was over, the people cleared out. As people left, Alicia sat, knees curled up to her chest, staring at the grave.

"We'll meet you at the car sis" Owen whispered before leaving her alone.

"I miss you so much…" she whispered as the tears started flowing down her face. She buried her head into her knees and cried, her body trembling.

"God dammit, Will! Why did you go and do this?!"

The words came out broken between her sobs; the pent up anger and frustration she had been holding all week finally coming out. Her sobs echoed out, catching the attention of her friends in the car.

Kalinda turned first, looking out the car window at Alicia. "Owen, look at her."

Owen looked out and shook his head, moving to take his seat belt off and go get her.

"Don't, Owen. She needs to be alone for a minute."

"She's losing it Kalinda. Look at her. She doesn't need to be out there alone. It's about to rain anyhow."

"Just… give her a minute. She hates it when we see her cry."

Diane turned and looked at them both before shaking her head. "You should go get her Owen. She's going to get herself hurt out there."

Owen got out of the car and sprinted over to Alicia, the rain drizzling down onto them. "Leesh, come on, we need to get you into the car."

She shook her head, pressed her face further into her knees, and tried to stop crying. "G- go back to the car Owen. I'm fine."

"No, Alicia. You need to come with me."

"Leave me alone. I told you, Owen. I'm fine."

Owen sighed and walked over to her, kneeling down next to her. " Come on. You don't have to go through this alone."

"I miss him so much" she whispered, clutching her knees to her chest.

"I know you do. We all do. But you need to let us help you."

"No-"

"No, Leesh. You need to go. Anyone in your position would go. Don't fight it, okay?"

She nodded and wiped her tears. "O-okay" she sighed, sucking in a deep breath.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah" she nodded.

Owen smiled, wrapping an arm around her waist, hoisting her up to her feet.

"We have the reception, then you can go home. But, I will be with you, mum is staying with Will's mother, and Sara and Aubrey is staying at a hotel together, just for the first few days."

Alicia nodded, not quite hearing everything he was saying. She just wanted to pain to go away. She didn't want to sit in a room and listen to people talk about how sorry they were for them. It never truly mattered how sorry someone was, they couldn't bring him back.

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"I watched him bleed."

The statement felt like she had just stabbed herself in the stomach.

" We were coming back from a dinner. We.. were on foot because it was just a few blocks. But then we saw a corpse... The… um… the scene was horrendous. Blood everywhere, but it seemed there is no one else. Just Will, me, and a hell of a lot of blood. We wanted to call the cops but then he… he came out of nowhere. I felt something was off but… damn, that man just ran out. His face was practically nothing; hard as a stone. He had a gun pointed at my head before I even knew what was happening. I swung up to fight the guy with the gun what Peter gave me and told me to have it always but… you know Will. Had to protect me. He had stolen it and had it out. Dropped two rounds into the man's leg. You know, make his immobile but don't kill him. Anyhow, the guy was falling cause he got hurt and dropped two rounds right into Will's chest. I-"

Her voice broke as the tears began to flow.

"He- he fell so fast. So damn fast, and yet time was moving so slow. I screamed and dove over; helped him. Told him how much I loved him, kissed him… He looked so upset. He told me how much he loved me, and told me to tell his sisters and his parents how much he loved them. I- I'm pregnant. He knew, and he put a hand on my stomach and told me how much he loved our baby. I kissed him again, told him to hand on, that backup was coming. But we both knew there was no use. I just help him, told him how amazing he was. How much of a better person he made me. Kept reassuring him that we would make it. I.. I just miss him so damn much."

She pulled back on a sob, clutching the pillow on the couch.

"I'm having a baby boy… Just had my 6-month check-up. A son. Will wanted a son so much. Wanted to teach him how to play basketball, how to treat a woman right, how to be a good man. All of those things… Well, I would have to teach him how to throw, but… You get my point. We were supposed to go through this together. My son is going to grow up without a father…"

Years passed. James William Paul Garnder was born. Zach married and had a baby girl. Grace became a lawyer and she was happy with her husband as well. Kalinda and Cary finally realized their love. Diane and Kurt found each other again.

As their lives grew on, Alicia Florrick found her way out of the rabbit hole, primarily for her little son and had happy times with her older children. The days went on, and she could still feel the presence of Will Gardner following her to the office.

She had never fallen out of love. In fact, it grew stronger every day. Her son knew the story of how brave his father was to protect them, and she knew that he would always be with him, and would always love them like she loved him.

_I'm miles from where you are,_

_I lay down on the cold ground_

_I, I pray that something picks me up_

_And sets me down in your warm arms…_

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_So what do you think? :)_


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